SOMEHOW I GOT A TICKET FOR OPENING DAY

April 12, 1924

Hi readers, I'm Vinny Spanelli, and I'm almost 18 so do not think for a second I ain't old enough to tell you about my Phillies. Plus my neighbor Mr. Rollo gave me this typewriter to use the night before he was shot and died in a bar fight on New Year's Eve, so I guess it's mine to write on forever as long as I don't keep Mama up at night with the clacking noise.

It's real hard to be a Phillies fan these days because the Giants have been league champs for three straight years and the Phils haven't won since 1915 when I was only eight and Pete Alexander wasn't a drunk yet. Papa was still alive then and he took me to one of the World Series games, but everyone in front of me had big coats and hats and I could mostly only see Bert Niehoff's legs while he played second base or a little bit of Gavvy Cravath out in right.

Like most of my friends do, I hate the Giants and especially their evil midget manager John McGraw. I plan to go to every Baker Bowl home game this year, but when the Giants come to town I will be there before our dogs wake up to find good seats for me and Benny. Benny Zepp is my best friend and he hates those Giants even more than me. (In the picture above this report that's me on the left and Benny on the right. The photograph is seven years old but it was the only one I could find.) Benny gets us in trouble sometimes, but he's also a real good friend. Once he almost got me an autograph from Cy Williams.

I sneak out of school all the time to go to the games but Benny doesn't go to school at all so he always gets me a ticket if he has enough money from selling newspapers that morning. Anyway, Benny made friends with lots of ushers and peanut guys and other people who work at Baker Bowl and he somehow got us third base tickets for the Opening Day game on Tuesday against the Braves, and I'm so excited I'm going to leave school before lunch instead of waiting for Mrs. Crackerbee to fall asleep at her desk.

Benny also reads the newspaper to me sometimes and said that a writer guy in Detroit named Buttercake or something said that the Phillies are probably the worst team in baseball this season. Oh yeah? When that dope comes here to watch his Tigers play the Athletics, which is a team that stinks worse than us, me and Benny are going to find him and punch a hole in his hat!

My next report will be after I get back from the opening game. Good night, reader people.

—Vinny