CHEAP SEATS AND SOAPY HANDS

May 16, 1924

A knock on our hotel room door woke me up at three in the morning. M. Conroy Face stood there holding a soused Benny up by the collar. "I found him sleeping on a divan in our lobby, which is not allowed," said the in-house detective. Face wasn't wearing his bowler this time, and I noticed he had grey mutton chops to match his giant moustache. I thanked him, helped Benny inside and shut the door.

I let my friend sleep until almost noon. I told him I was worried about the house detective, that he might be on to us, and Benny said it's not illegal to pretend to be someone else, as long as you hadn't stolen their wallet or something. A bigger problem, he said, is that he lost almost half of the rest of our travel money last night playing billiards at Punky Shickelgruber's speakeasy down on East Carson Street, and wasn't sure we'd be able to pay our hotel bill. I got real mad at him but Benny said don't worry because he'd win it all back tonight and I said forget that, just wash up already so we can get over to the game.

It was no surprise we sat in the cheapest seats this time, which were way down in left field in the wide open. It gave us a nice view of Schenley Park, left fielders Mokan and Cuyler and not much else, but our spirits went up when we squeezed out a run off Emil Yde in the top of the 1st. Yde is a rookie with a weird name but lots of potential, so said the old duffer sitting next to us, but Yde sure didn't have it this time. We were getting doubles and triples all over the place for lots of the game.

Unfortunately Whitey Glazner threw for us, and this guy can't pitch his way off a cliff. After Cy Williams dropped his second fly of the game in the 3rd and helped the Bucs to a 2-1 lead, and we took the lead back on a Ford double, Schultz triple and boot by Rabbit Maranville, Whitey got his backside waxed in the 5th. He flubbed a grounder with two outs, then gave up a walk, two singles and triple by the Rabbit and we were losing by four runs. Then it was six runs after Steineder relieved him and Cuyler tripled. Then we got two back when Wright and Carey both made errors and boy oh boy, what crummy fielding today!

Yde ended up going the whole distance even though the Phils got 14 hits off him, and our record on the road is now something like 5-14, but that's okay. It was still a fun game to watch.

Not too sure about Benny, though. We got back to the hotel and he was too blue to eat dinner or even take a bath, but when we went through the lobby the desk man called us over and gave us a personal sealed note from someone named Anthony Quentin Rutherford. Benny and me looked at each other and I ripped it open while the elevator guy took us upstairs. It was an invitation to dinner and cigars at some place called The Duquesne Club. What the heck? We found out from the desk man that Rutherford was the old guy in the wheeled chair yesterday morning whose wife I saved from choking, and Benny wasn't blue anymore. A free meal? Maybe more Pirates tickets? Quick as squirrels we were back up in the room getting washed and putting on our fancy duds.

The Duquesne Club made the William Penn Hotel look like an immigrant slum. The place was built in 1873 and had one giant fancy-furnished room after another, and each one was filled with important-looking men in suits. Mr. Rutherford met us at the dining room door in his chair, and got wheeled inside by his man-servant. We sat next to a stained glass window that went to the ceiling with a big ferny plant in my face, and we ate the same food Greek gods probably did. There was braised quails and plum pudding and caviar from the Persian sea which was pretty darn yucky and Elysian Fields Lamb and me and Benny did our best to hold our forks the right way and put our napkins in our laps and all that, but it wasn't easy.

Anyway, Rutherford was one of the biggest steel magpies in town, and he had a niece he was trying to help get married off and kept calling me a "fine young fellow" because I helped his wife and asked if I could sit with this niece whose name was Lily at Forbes Field tomorrow and explain how baseball works because she'd never been to a game before. It sounded good alright, but with Benny staring at me I then asked if the three of us could go because Benny knew more of the finer points.

Rutherford said sure, and then we were in a drawing room where I tried my first glass of brandy and smoked my first cigar and spent the hour after we left coughing and trying not to fall down. Such is the risk of being a young ward, I guess. Good night, reader-people!
—Vinny

PHL 100 210 200 -6 14 4
PIT 002 152 00x - 10 10 3

Other National League games:

at REDS 10-14-1, BRAVES 0-7-6
Yes, folks, baseballs were squirting out of every glove they could find today. The godawful Braves lose their 13th in a row in Cincy, getting shut out by that headhunter Carl Mays. Edd Roush comes back and singles and doubles his first two times up.

at CUBS 15-15-0, GIANTS 11-17-3
Travis Jackson should be tarred and feathered after this one. Two out and two on in the last of the 1st, he boots a grounder from Butch Weis to load the bases. Two walks, four hits, another Jackson error and 3-run homer by Denver Grigsby later, the Cubs have EIGHT unearned runs. It's 15-3 in the 8th and the angry New Yorkers score eight times in the normal way the last two innings to make it close but Wheeler saves the game for Aldridge.

at CARDINALS 9-15-2, ROBINS 8-11-4 (10 innings)
Sorry Rachel, but this was the best game all day, even with its six more errors. After Zack Wheat homers off Sothoron for a 5-1 lead in the 5th, Ruether gets knocked out with four Cards runs. A Bottomley sac fly makes it 6-5 St. Loo in the 8th, but Max Flack drops a fly to start the 9th and Brooklyn gets two to take the lead. Then Hornsby homers in the bottom of the 9th to tie it up. Then Mitchell, who made three shortstop errors in the game, doubles in Brown to give the Robins the lead. Then the best Brooklyn relief man Eberhardt gets absolutely no one out and Hornsby singles in the winning run. Rogers gets on base all six times and is now batting .435.

NATIONAL LEAGUE through Friday, May 16
Pittsburgh Pirates	19	10	.655	—
Cincinnati Reds	20	11	.645	—
Brooklyn Robins	18	11	.621	1
New York Giants	16	14	.533	3.5
St. Louis Cardinals	15	16	.484	5
Chicago Cubs	13	18	.419	7
Philadelphia Phillies	10	20	.333	9.5
Boston Braves	9	20	.310	10