DUEL OF THE DUNCES

July 28, 1924

Who on earth can find entertainment in watching two crummy teams out-stink each other on a muggy afternoon in late July? Me, that's who.

Tony Kaufmann for the Cubs and Jimmy Ring for us have been two of the sorriest pitching specimens all year in the National League, because they both have talent enough to win but never seem to. With Tony's 3-9 mark going against Jimmy's 4-12 today with almost every ball popping out of Baker Bowl at batting practice, it was going to be a long day for me.

It was going to be longer for the players, though, and Harper got a side bet going with Cliff Heathcote on Chicago for a steak dinner. We already had a probable losing bet that we'd finish ahead of these guys, but Harper never knows when to stop.

And Heathcote must've not eaten breakfast or lunch, because he ripped a single off Ring to start the game, got singled over to third by Grimes and homered in by Hack Miller and we were down 3-0 just like that. And Ring was more worthless than he usually is. With a guy on first and two outs in the 2nd, he walked Heathcote, Friberg, Grantham, Grimes and Miller then singled in a row and he hit Hartnett before finally getting out of the mess down 7-0.

Every Phillie hitter was mad. They were snatching their bats out of my hands so fast I was getting blisters. At least they started to put them to some use. Holke bombed one over the right fence in the 4th, before two singles, two walks and a plunked batter got us three runs back. A bases-filled walk to Friberg made it 8-3 them, but then we started smoking. Harper began our 5th with a double, Sand singled him to third, Cy tripled deep to center for two runs and a Wrightstone grounder scored another and it was suddenly 8-6!

Ring finally threw a 1-2-3 inning in the 6th, and our dugout was hopping. Ford got his third single with one out and went to second when Grantham chucked it away. Ring zipped a double down the line, Harper got him to third with a hit and none else but Heinie Sand poked a single into left to tie the game! Harper could taste that sirloin as he raced home to try and give us the lead on a Holke fly to center, but guess who shot him down at home plate with a cannon throw? Cliff Heathcote. Grrrr.

When you lose your last out at home something bad seems to happen right away, and it sure did. Weis doubled to begin the 7th, Hollocher singled him in and we were behind again. Steineder finally relieved to put Ring out of his misery in the 8th but he wasn't much better, giving up a triple to Hartnett and three straight walks to make it 10-8. Mokan cracked one into the bleachers to bring us close again, but Kaufmann took care of us in the 9th and as usual at Baker, we'd gotten 15 hits and nine runs and still lost.

I wasn't even the one having to foot a restaurant bill after the game, but I have no interest in eating steak for a while.

Good night, reader-people!
—Vinny


CHI 340 010 110 - 10 16 2
PHI 000 332 010 - 9 15 0

Only National League games today:

PIRATES 3-12-0, at BRAVES 1-3-0
Against the worst starter in the Bucs rotation Wilbur Cooper, the Braves get two singles, a double, and not one other base runner. Pretty hard to win that way. And here's some typical Pirate magic: With a man on third and two outs in the 6th, Barnes pitches to Earl Smith, who singles in the run. With a man on second and two outs in the 8th, Barnes this time walks Smith on purpose, and Traynor singles in the run. If they put a water fountain in the Pirates club house, it would be a wine fountain in no time.

REDS 6-10-1, at ROBINS 1-6-1
Hold on Reds, make sure the Pirates won before you do. They did? Okay, go ahead. Beat up Dazzy Vance like he's a minor leaguer. Dazzy has lost three straight now, and two of those were to Carl Mays on days the Bucs won.

CARDINALS 5-11-1, at GIANTS 3-6-2
The most disappointing team in the league is at it again, getting homers from Youngs and Meusel to take a 3-1 in the 4th, then dropping dead for Leo Dickerman the rest of the game while McQuillan gets pummeled. The Giants have been riding a bicycle in mud since the season began.

NATIONAL LEAGUE through Monday, July 28
Pittsburgh Pirates	62	33	.653	—
Cincinnati Reds	59	41	.590	5.5
New York Giants	56	41	.577	7
Brooklyn Robins	56	44	.560	8.5
St. Louis Cardinals	51	47	.520	12.5
Chicago Cubs	45	52	.464	18
Philadelphia Phillies	37	62	.374	27
Boston Braves	26	72	.265	37.5